Welcome to the first installment of WHAT’S IN YOUR BAG?! where I will be asking everyone, including (eventually) President Barack Obama, “WHAT’S IN YOUR BAG?!”
Today I caught up with Joan, the runaway teen, to ask her WHAT’S IN YOUR BAG?! I cornered Joan when she was coming out of the subway. Joan agreed to tell me if I gave her half of my muffin. It was a zucchini muffin so I didn’t mind at all. Honestly I would have given her the whole muffin if she had asked. I don’t even know why I bought a zucchini muffin. Like, who does that?
Joan’s bag, a dirty pillowcase, paired well with her old-ass tennis shoes. Joan’s whole look was absolutely disheveled, but in the fashion sense. Like at those runway shows when it looks like the models have rolled around in garbage? Like that. Hot garbage. Haute garbage?
So Joan, WHAT’S IN YOUR BAG?!
At this point, Joan began to quiver. Because of her intense frailty, the entire contents of her bag spilled out! Thanks Joan! Her sack revealed an absolute assortment of fun knick-knacks. Joan had more canned foods than the average teenager, unless things have really changed since I was in high school. Her assortment included: black beans, wax beans, pineapples in juice, condensed milk, and artichoke hearts. All low sodium! Good for you Joan. Health is important for young girls.
I caught a glimpse of some papers that said something about “emancipation of minors.” I guess that’s the new Twilight!
Joan’s bag was also full of loose, plain, and uncooked rice. Not sure what that’s about, Joan!
Her wallet had three dollars inside, but two of them were Euros.
Joan taught me a lot about what teens are up to these days. I asked her where she liked to hang out on weekends. Some place called “the shelter.” I had never even heard of it! That’s how cool it is.
Joan then started crying and asking me for money, which I think is a new sex thing? But I’m not sure. I’m just a silly old lady who’s out of touch with teen culture! Thanks Joan!
Stay tuned for the next installment of WHAT’S IN YOUR BAG?!
Emma "the wren" Wren 